Friday, April 23, 2010

Confluence of Passions.

Due to a confluence of articles, ideas and conversation flying about with friends - I realize my prose has been short and images slightly more bountiful when I do get around to posting. I'm coming to terms with the idea that this whole yoga thing - specifically Ashtanga - is what one could call a passion project for me.

Why though?
Why Ashtanga?

Why haven't I been able to channel this into something like juggling, music or at an even more base level, Art?

Art. Something that I have vivid memories of - sitting in a RISD Saturday morning art class, sun streaming through the windows of the Market Building at the age of 7 and proclaiming emphatically to the teacher: I'll be an Artist.

Of course, over time my idea of Art has morphed some. But if something is going to endure, doesn't it have to evolve over time? I've come to realize that working with my hands is something I truly enjoy, creating something tangible. After all, I am the daughter of my parents, who with the help of their parents, built the house that they still live in. Even today, with his photography, the Artist stretches the canvas himself and the frames are assembled by the Mathematician.

There's some fear in taking those steps to create.

Devoting what limited time remains in my day or weekends to pencils, paper, fabric, metal, photography or however this would manifest itself - doesn't leave much time for the normal pursuits of your typical 30 y/o female. That being said, I recognize, I'm not your typical 30 y/o female.

Over dinner a couple weekends ago with Aikidōka at the apartment of another of his childhood friends, Banjo Pilgrim, along with Conservation Sprite, I silently marveled at their collective energy and freedom. Not only the diversity of each of their creative pursuits, but more the seemingly fearlessness with which they approach them.

Something I have also always seen in the Mathematician and the Artist.

Something I want to cultivate further within myself.


Allison said...

I really identify with this. There is fear in creating art. There's also a bit of futility, I find, when that art isn't going to be displayed for anyone but your family and possibly facebook friends. It's the old "if a tree falls in the forest..." dilemma - is it really art if no one sees it? I butt up against that notion.

I also identify with the time issue. I frequently have the conflict of passions. I haven't figured out how to deal with that yet.

Portside said...

Following your logic, can't it be said that the idea of futility can be extended to yoga asana practice?

Yes, there are benefits and truths inherent within the various systems. I spend a good part of my a week on my yoga mat. I enjoy every minute - even the frustrating ones. But if you distill this down, it's something that I've talked about before, being able to jump back or grab your upper calves when bent backwards double doesn't have much value within society at large.

It's all a very personal and internal endeavor. In that regard it is no different than an Artist making art for the pure process of making Art. Or the musician playing an instrument to make music. I spent last Sunday evening processing photos I took as a favor for a friend - lost in the images, the same way I lose myself in practice. If I had music playing in the background, I'm sure I would have stayed up long into the early hours.

In part, it's a release from the rigidity of taupe corporate walls - which in and of itself is enough to negate any futility in my mind.

I seem to have been able to do everything while in HS and college and maintain good grades. Sometimes I wonder if I was more discriminating about how I utilized my time - picking and choosing what was truly important to focus on. I don't think I was any more or less disciplined than I am now. I cannot even begin to comprehend how one does this adding family responsibilities into the mix.

Carl said...

Wherein lies the difference between the 7-year old, uninhibited artist, and the 30-year old creator who's well-poised but not presently executing?

You inspire me to wonder how I should answer this same question about myself. My hands were more directly connected to my senses back then, but now maybe I expect a much more disciplined product, and in my expectations, I substitute mind and thought for hands and tangibility.

Arturo said...

you're an artist with your blog names. I would probably enjoy meeting Banjo Pilgrim and Conservation Sprite.
word verif, "fizatt", you'se got it.

Portside said...

@ Carl - Good question and way to think of it, certainly has my mind still spinning with thought and potential. As I continue to think about this question, this post, I think part of it is learning to capture that youthful abandon with the tools available as a "grown-up."

@ Arturo - Thanks - no name is given lightly. Nice word verif. :)