Monday, February 9, 2009

Mantra Monday: To Sit In Silence.

It was so nice to sleep in today.

November through the end of 2008 was a whirlwind of activity - between changing firms, the holidays, and eeking by to get everything done. Then January came and I continued to dance along. I managed to get a minimum of 45 minutes of asana practice in each day of the month - and somewhere along the line I was given my final pose of the primary series. I traveled to Sarasota, to Boston, to RI, to Charlottesville. Spent time with many friends and family and met some great teachers - I was tired and felt a bit "off," but I was dancing along.

During this time, there was something lurking.

I was having more difficulty than normal with my asthma and various other things that go along with that - all easily explained away by various stresses. The days after moon days I would find myself broken out in hives to varying degrees, more sensitive to various triggers, and on and off prednisone. I went so far as to wonder if there was something going on between the moon and my body. The last Tuesday of January, I woke again to hives and difficulty with my asthma. That morning, I resigned myself to a self practice hopped up on Benedryl. In my finishing postures, I tarried in padmasana, longer than normal.

This was the first time I had truly sat, in stillness, for what seemed like months.

Consciously ignoring the itching and burning at my joints and skin I began to wonder, was it one of my meds? Could it be the medicine that once seemed as though it was my salvation?

I called my doctor as soon as his office opened and he considered the idea. Three days later I was still shooting Benedryl shots and chomping Pepcid to no relief of my hives. I called my doctor again, insistent. There was something wrong. He called the drug manufacturer and their physician terminated my treatment with this medicine.

Tomorrow, I go to my doctor to review my asthma management plan.
It would be mendacious to say that I'm not worried. But in the grand scheme of things, I'll take asthma difficulty over a severe allergic reaction.

What does the future hold?

Time will tell.

At least I'm actually learning how to listen to myself.
You can hear a lot in Silence.


joy suzanne said...

I'm so sorry!

I hope you feel better very soon.

alfia said...

That sucks big time. I hope your doctor develops a better treatment plan.

Nairam said...

Oh, no! Please feel better soon!!!

Anonymous said...

Suzanne, Alfia, & Nairam,

Thank you all. :)

Yes, it sucks but all things considered I'm actually pretty ok. :) Just more frustrating than anything else.