The comments of Carl and Yogiconomist, really got me thinking.
Maybe it's a combination of the two.
A release and a binding.
Maybe the strict discipline and regimented lifestyle of an Ashtanga practitioner is no longer needed within the context of my daily existence. But there is still a need and desire for a daily practice, for that discipline and mindfulness, release within a construct.
Nothing light of a quandary to be sure.
Ashtanga allowed me to lose myself in something that wasn't work, that wasn't family, that was completely outside of where I came from in order to forget some, to remember some, but ultimately to really begin another stage of healing.
To form an intense bond with something which joins physical expression with that mind-shift coveted by most artists - is nothing short of a remarkable experience.
It stays the same, I changed.
At a workshop with M. Manos in RI at the end of June, he said something that really stuck with me. Paraphrasing: These practices can allow the world to open up. For some that path is solely asana, for some it allows many new experiences to open up. Just go with it and enjoy the ride.
Nothing that wasn't understood at least intuitively, but the validation from an outside force is always welcome.
Right now, what I think I need to learn is self-discipline within my current context, constructed by me to allow all the plates to spin to their optimal degree.
Yes, there are a plethora of great teachers and classes here in DC - but then practice is structured around and reliant on an another's existing time construct.
How am I going to really get going in this new art thing,
if I cannot even find/schedule 90 minutes on my own, let alone 30?