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There's always so much going on and we try to keep pace with life and the rest of the world, sometimes it just takes over and we feel a bit like we're drowning in life - we want to do it all and have it all be perfect. Sometimes we think we have to fight and struggle to make things "right," to do everything. And more often that not, we feel we have to move mountains and try so hard to achieve happiness. That's really not the case.
We just have to be present.
I was recently trying to figure out what shoes I was going to wear to an event this past Friday. I spent an entire evening pulling out every single pair of shoes I own to find the perfect pair. Let me tell you, it was a severe case of Portside and the 44 pairs of shoes - the modern sequel to Goldilocks and the Three Bears. Although less than enthused about my choice, I settled on a pair. The very next day flipping through my email I happened on an ad for a shoe store. I clicked on one of the the links and lo and behold, I found the perfect shoes, right on the splash page (and they were on sale for 50% off!). I hadn't bought a pair of shoes since September. I figured this has to be serendipity. I didn't force it, I wasn't scouring the internet for shoes to wear, they were just there.
It's amazing how simple things like this can be. Maybe it's that we get so wrapped up in all the details we forget about the big picture.
When I sit for my meditation, if I think about having to sit still and quite my mind - it just won't happen, plain and simple as that. All I can think about is how I can't quiet my mind and then *all* the other things I'm not getting done while "just sitting." This weekend, one of the things I heard from our our Master teacher was about how if we dwell on that which we find painful or aggravating or overwhelming we become stagnant, are unable to grow, and lose vision. The Buddhist/Sanskrit term for this is Dukkha which encompasses our concepts of sorrow, stress, frustration, anxiety, the list could go on. So, in effect, it could be said that dukkha begets dukkha.
Her remedy was to acknowledge discomfort and use that energy to spin out of it. Or as the Artist said in conversation with me today, "Just acknowledge it for what it is, and maximize what you can from it."
Then I put on those sassy, sexy dancing shoes with their red heels and somehow, things become very simple, fun, and very honest.
I am back to working on my craft, back to working on jewelry.
I've already attended two classes, both being close to sheer anarchy.
But should I expect anything less from an artist and craftsman?
In this two week period I've thrown myself back into the deep end, pulling out a design I began to work on in 2004. A bit of an involved piece (understatement), involving anticlastic raising (a technique I've never practiced before), but I figure I have six classes to complete it, so there should be no problem. This long weekend, I had a grand plan of spending time with the members of Bauhaus who were in town, and going to yoga, and getting my template drafted.
Sometime Saturday afternoon sitting in the Verizon Center between the overpirced pretzels, beer, and watching Georgetown decimate Notre Dame, I realized that I was just being crazy. There was no way to do all of those things. If I did spend my time drafting or at yoga, I would have missed out - missed the joy and warmth of these friendships and seeing those friends I haven't seen in a long time. Also, learning where everyone is and where they currently see themselves going. One of the great things about reconnecting with old friends is that we are given the oppertunity to share our dreams and allow our friends to help make these dreams a reality.
There's only so much time in the day and sometimes I feel as though I'm making up for lost time, maybe I try to put to much into my day and forget to savor the moments.
We all do this.
Sitting at Steak & Eggs with a couple members of Bauhaus, sopping up the last of the faux-maple syrup with their buttery pancakes this morning, I truly remembered the importance of balancing things that we feel are important, those things that truly are important, and those individuals who help propel our dreams.
With the close of the year and the start of a new one, at least in my world, everything tends to spin slightly out of control while moving at warp speed. Trying to get that last minute whatever, accomplished. Me? I was baking my white chocolate blueberry bread pudding for a pot luck dinner on New Years Eve while getting ready for a party immediately after. Not to mention shopping for an outfit to be worn to said party earlier that same day. I had some delusions of taking a nap in that afternoon. Ha!
I'm starting to believe that years run logarithmically. (Or is algorithmically?) Anyways, speeding up right until the end. Then...
*POW!*
Midnight strikes and it's a brand new year.
On the stroke of midnight, just as Cinderella turning into a pumpkin, we pass and instate resolutions to change. Work out more, eat better, go to bed at a decent hour, stop eating an entire box of Girl Scout Cookies during the course of a work day, etc.
Instead of passing resolutions on my life, I take some time to time to set my intentions for the year. I sit and think about those people and activities that are important to me - trying to make my day as much of a microcosm of what I want my year to be as possible. I reflect on my accomplishments from the previous year (compiled over the course of the previous week). I write down my 2, 5, and 10 year goals and then look at the goals I wrote down in previous years to see where I've been but more importantly to get a better idea of my current surroundings.
At the beginning of yoga practice, we set our intentions, something that is internally said to help move us in the direction of what we need and where we should be going. Take some time to set an intention for your year. Maybe write it down? When things become overbearing and not looking so hot, remember your intention. Repeat it to yourself to help gain your bearings again, to remember the path that you're on.
If the first week of 2008 is any indication of this coming year,
It is really going to rock n' roll!
A Belated Yet Very Happy New Year To All!
May the blessings of this holiday season bring you warmth and light, continuing long into the New Year. 
Shanti.
Narragansett, RI
Sunrise, Christmas 2007
My gosh I was running ragged and while DC - somehow I managed to make it to my mat only a few times this month, culminating with five 2.5 hour sessions at a workshop with Ana Forrest last weekend. More yoga in one weekend than I had in the entire month. I'm still processing all that I learned, all that I discovered. This past week in DC I hardly made it to my mat and hardly had time to review my notes from the workshop. Gotta love the holiday season.
Then why, oh why, did I wake up at 6 am on a Saturday morning, to be on the road at 6:30 am, for a two hour Baptiste class that began at 8 am? After finishing a class at 5:30 in Wakefield last night?
While at home with the Mathematician and the Artist, I knew it was going to be important for me to return to my mat and begin the process of continuing to work on those things that I picked up last weekend. I packed for RI in a hurry - only packing one pair of brown high heeled boots in my suitcase, the clogs on my feet, and more yoga clothing than everyday "normal" clothing.
After finally locating the studio - above the garage of the teacher's modest home in Charlestown - I ascended the steps, entered the studio, and felt a bit like the new kid in the class. I set up my mat as I always do at Down Dog and did some light stretching, smiling at those who entered and who were already there, engaging those I could with some small talk. The teacher calmly walked into the room and class magically began. It started with some light breathing exercises, pranayama, and meditation, then the poses and vinyasa began.
My gosh it was hot. There were maybe 20 of us, but the heat generated was only rivaled by a packed house on a Saturday morning in Georgetown when Coeli is in town. We moved through the flow and then we came to wheel, Urdhva Dhanurasana. I have no clue how many wheels we went up and into, but they kept on coming. Slowly I could hear the complaints of the class rising and could feel some aggravation rising at towards their complaints, but I just kept on going. My wheels became deeper and soon I found my hips the highest they've been and my forearms to the mat. Last night was the first night I had stood from wheel and went back down from standing. More possibilities of wheel just blossomed - continuing some of the opening I experienced in the last session with Ana Forrest.
By just letting them rise to the surface.
I stopped thinking - I hit a point of flow.
I was dead tired but I kept on moving deeper and deeper into my wheels.
In life we have really have two options, one is to be the spectators and comment on our present situation - to complain and whine and make judgments on others. What good does that do? The second option is to take action and be the player - take responsibility and follow through with honesty, integrity, and letting our hearts be our guide.
The holidays are stressful, none of us will question that - having to travel here and there go to parties, cooking, baking, shopping to complete, Christmas cards, office parties, and in all of this we neglect ourselves. When all is said and done, it is truly wonderful to retreat into the love and comfort of heading to that place called home - whether down the block or a car ride or a flight away.
As much as things change, I'm convinced, ultimately; they stay the same. Upon my arrival to RI I headed to the holiday service at my Middle/High School - I walked in the front door and I was transported back to my school days. My first question - Where can I find my mom? The secretary and my high school AP English teacher burst out in laughter, pointing me in the direction of the Middle School where I found the head of the Middle School (my 6th & 7th grade English teacher) and rest of the faculty valiantly attempting to put the students in perfect uniform into some semblance of order. I couldn't help think that was my classmates and me 15-17 or so years ago.
Has it really been that long?
I headed over to the service wondering how it had changed - my Junior year they radically changed the service the complete dismay of the student body and it was really no different when we were Seniors. Looking at the program, there was no pageant; the music was for the most part the same. As the Lower, Middle and Upper Schools processed in I saw my classmates, other students and myself in the current student body. The bell choir began, and the Seniors entered, candles and white sweaters.
A Quaker School, they celebrate Silent Meeting, a time for community to worship in silence, to meditate, reflect, and come together as a community. The Seniors invoke the silence for the service:
Now is the time of the winter solstice;
Now is the time of the greater night.
Now is the time for songs and stories;
Now is the time for candles bright.
Now is the time to dispel the darkness;
Now is the time of growing light.
We're gathered together in love and in kindness,
In joy and in unity, warmth and good cheer.
Ages and seasons surround us with wisdom,
And light from within makes our way the more clear.
The lessons of youth do not pass, but repeat
Like the cycles of the seasons of each passing year.
Sitting in reflection, I felt the most at home I've felt in a long time.
One year ago my life radically changed.
One year ago, many of our lives changed.
But our lives change on a daily basis.
I've been thinking long and hard about today and looking at the words I wrote in August for some possible inspiration. Some might say that of late I've retreated a bit into myself, spending more time with my meditation and yoga practices - seeking stillness, seeking presence.
In life we search for those activities and people who help us live with happiness, fullness and awareness, even in our darkest times.
When we find those, we are truly blessed.
It's not easy to live in the present. It's not easy to regard difficult situations as challenges or opportunities for growth and development. After events pass, in reality they become nothing more than memory. Yes events change your path. The challenge then lies with allowing the memory, or impression, of an event to be just that and to be defined solely by its own time.
I cannot put things any more eloquently or succinctly than Kofi Busia, "the teacher we seek is the one who can help us forget the things we should never have remembered and to remember the things we should never have forgotten."*
Shanti.
*Brusia, Kofi. ed. Iyengar: The Yoga Master. Shambala: Boston, 2007. 86.
Her remedy was to acknowledge discomfort and use that energy to spin out of it. Or as the Artist said in conversation with me today, "Just acknowledge it for what it is, and maximize what you can from it."
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