3" Heels & the Search for Spirituality

Happy Holidays!

2011-12-25T14:05:00.003-05:00

Warmest wishes of joy and love of the holiday season -- long into the upcoming New Year.

Narragansett, RI
Christmas, December 2011

Shanti.

Somedays...

2011-11-16T18:45:00.002-05:00

...just require a little taller of a perspective.

Question 8

2011-10-22T07:30:00.011-04:00

do you believe in rock and roll, can music save your mortal soul?

A question Tattoo'd Daisy and I have been asking since 7th grade and revisited (a bit off key) after an evening of indulgent French food and heartfelt conversation.

Conversations.

2011-10-21T08:57:00.002-04:00

Had this wonderful conversation with a guy on the metro who was reading a book by an author that the Artist recommended to me over dinner last night.

He told me of something:

A few days ago, I realized the saddest thing I think I have ever come to the realization of. I realized that I'm going to die before I have a chance to read everything I've ever wanted.

With that statement, we exited the train and continued chatting walking to the exit - me mulling over his words.

I realized.

I left my black pumps on the metro.

Week 03: #01

2011-10-09T20:35:00.000-04:00

Progession.01

2011-10-09T19:00:00.000-04:00

To be continued....

Quote.02: On Balance

2011-10-08T07:25:00.000-04:00

What I dream of is an art of balance, of purity and serenity devoid of troubling or depressing matter.

~ Henri Matisse

Week 02: #02

2011-10-02T16:38:00.002-04:00

Week 02: #01

2011-10-02T16:37:00.001-04:00

On Art. On Yoga.

2011-09-28T05:30:00.000-04:00

Art can be anything. Yoga can be anything.
It's the way you look at things - you figure it out on your own. In many respects, there's no right or wrong way.

They are both meditation acts - the rest of the world drops away.
Infatuation occurs with the creative - when you express some Truth. Be it through asana or a line on a page.

It's all about what we observe in our lives.

Yoga is one way to process these observations internally.
Art is the manifestation of of these observations to express to others what is seen.

It's all about what we experience.
How we see the world.

Plan.

2011-09-25T17:20:00.002-04:00

One year.

52 weeks.

Minimum 1 canvas per week.

Statement.01

2011-09-19T07:30:00.000-04:00

The depth of the ocean can be found in the simplicity of a stream.

.

Vinyasas

2011-09-08T04:07:00.002-04:00

ekam...
I still find myself cycling through the vinyasas.

...dve...

Counting.

...trīṇi...

These nights that I still find myself being chased by bad dreams.

...catvāri...

Yes, they still appear.

...pañca...

I wonder how deeply they are ingrained.

...sapta...

When they will show again.

...aṣṭau...

My hope is that it is something of a purging.

...nava...inhale...
There solace to be found in repetition - solace in incremental growth.

samasthitiḥ.

Practice.

2011-09-05T10:36:00.000-04:00

Practice sometimes takes a different form.

But sweetness always follows.

Mid-Atlantic Summer

2011-07-21T10:34:00.000-04:00

Nothing like walking out of the office to grab a chai and thinking to yourself:
Wow, a packed Bikram class would be much more pleasant.

.

Theme of the Day.

2011-05-10T13:44:00.000-04:00

Food-isms.

-- a good homemade soup is probably the closest thing to the foodification of unconditional love

-- think creatively, think of your favorite food, and taco-ify it

Life Lesson.

2011-05-04T09:35:00.001-04:00

When making your juice smoothie for lunch* it's helpful to put the cover back on the top of your VitaMix.

On the flip-side, my kitchen is pretty gosh-darn clean.

* 1/2 cup OJ, 1/2 cup fresh pineapple, 3 carrots, 1" fresh ginger, 1/3 cup spinach, 1 cup ice cubes.

Hiatus

2011-03-16T18:47:00.017-04:00

12-15 hours days in trial prep were the norm for February and the start of March. Long hours and lots and lots of meals out. Release achieved by snowboarding on the weekends - dodging yahoos on the local hills, nursing bruised knees, and puzzling out how to elegantly carve rather than zip.

Oddly enough my flexibility generally still seems to be here.
It's overall strength that feels to be greatly lacking.

It would be good to get back. Re-start.

One practice at a time.

Into the Start New Year.

2011-01-04T14:27:00.001-05:00

Ferveur avec mesure,

de la passion avec exactitude,

ce n'est sûrement l'idéal

Happy Holidays!

2010-12-25T21:04:00.003-05:00

Many wishes to all for an upcoming year full of love, light and wonderful exciting adventures.

Narragansett, RI
Sunrise, Christmas 2010

Shanti.

Arguh.

2010-12-09T07:05:00.003-05:00

Monday this week I made my triuphant return to AYC.

Primary felt great - deep twists, forward folds, and smooth back bends.

The plan, move all asana back to Ashtanga. How I've missed it. Approach the practice with honesty and humility, only practicing primary until I could hold urdhva dandasana with some fidelity.

Monday night continued waking to take asthma meds and I haven't gotten a full nights sleep since. At work until 9pm last night, still waking a couple times for meds, breathing still sounds like an accordion and my cough and congestion is getting deeper, but still really not productive.

Why am I thwarted at every attempted return?

#reverb10: Day 03 -- Moment.

2010-12-03T12:37:00.010-05:00

Prompt: Moment. Pick one moment during which you felt most alive this year. Describe it in vivid detail (texture, smells, voices, noises, colors.)

Response: The first wave I caught by myself.

Simple. Easy.

It was the Friday after my Grandfather had passed, overcast, chilly, and drizzly summer day up in RI. I decided that I was going to go set a little surfing in as the waves were decent, not too big, not too small. Just right. There were only a few others out there in the line-up and I was just chatting away and 'Rad told me to start paddling.

I felt the board catch the wave and without prompting, I was up on the board, surfing down the line.
Walk out to the edge.
Hang 5.
Hang 10.
Walk off the end of the board.

How long did it last?
I don't know.

It was a moment that lingered excitedly in slow motion. Like the drop in your stomach with that first glance where you catch the Truth of someone's soul in their eyes for the first time.

* * *

Another long day at work yesterday and another Bikram class.

After three Birkam days in a row, must admit, my muscles are a bit tired and the poses didn't feel as deep as they did on Tuesday. It's that cycle: Build strength, lose flexibility and then regain flexibility.

Some of the things I'm wondering about:

First: The script and the lack of deviation from it.
If I were to teach, I'm not sure I could actually teach that way.
Call me a rebel and nonconformist.

It feels a bit contrived and automated. Yet still with three different teachers, same script, each night this past week, wildly different classes. Tuesdays class hot, strong, and methodical. Wednesday night fast and on point. Thursday night hot, slow, and gentle (as gentle as a Bikram class can be).

Second: Set Sequence.
As weird as the 26 posture Bikram sequence is to anyone who's practiced Ashtanga or been through a well sequenced Iyengar class (or Jivamukti or Dhama Mittra or Baptiste or general hatha vinyasa for that matter), it's actually starting to make a bit sense. I can't explain it, but if I figure out a way to, you'll hear it here first.

I still don't agree with what they call the various asanas. Their triangle pose is not what I would call trikonasana in the least thankyouverymuch. Also, unfortunately, I still chuckle and roll my eyes to myself every time they announce the first water break and do the prep for their variation on natarajasana, called dandayamana dhanurasana. Maybe it's a bit of lingering judgmental yoga elitism.

Three: Progressing and injury avoidance.
I'm sure the teachers wouldn't let a student get themselves into a position where they are going to injure themselves. But have to wonder how with minimal correction and instruction how your average brand new yoga student will readily progress and deepen their practice, and begin to realize the benefits yoga possesses. Time can really only do so much without a little help from someone more knowledgeable. Bikram, like Baptiste, seems like a great "gateway yoga drug." It takes a special person to want to delve into the worlds of Iyengar and Ashtanga and many who practice these styles with devotion will readily admit, we're all just a bit crazy and quite possibly slightly OCD.

Plain and simple, Bikram is generally more accessible. Sure from Ashtanga and Iyengar I have little tricks to help me find some form of edge and depth in a Bikram class; however, I've come really appreciate (if not maybe rely on) the guidance of a teacher to take things to the next level, even if it is the smallest of correction. It's quite easy for me to maintain interest in Ashtanga and Iyengar. In Ashtanga you know there are a bunch of sequences out there and can begin to see how each pose/sequence builds upon the previous. In Iyengar there are always refinements to be made. How is it possible to maintain interest with 26 postures and feeling held back from your full/deepest possible asana expression so that you don't "confuse the other students?"

If that were held through the Mysore system, there were certainly be far fewer practitioners. Is that one of the main reasons people leave Bikram? I've come to realize that's one of the beauties of the Ashtanga system, that someone who practices half of primary practices next to someone who splits primary for intermediate.

At least I was able to rally myself to a little pre-workday restorative practice today.

#reverb10: Day 02 -- Writing.

2010-12-02T14:14:00.011-05:00

Prompt: Writing. What do you do each day that doesn't contribute to your writing -- and can you eliminate it?

Response: I must admit I'm a bit stuck on this one and find it a bit, um, how shall I put it gently - solipsistic.

Every bit of existence somehow feeds into another. Sure my existence could be streamlined. But a gal's gotta put in her time for "The Man" to feed first and foremost her yoga habit (shoe/art/cooking habits following close behind) which provides fodder for the keyboard.

Without experience what is there to write about?
Truth is almost always stranger than fiction and upon reflection, many of us have have lived extraordinary lives filled with adventure. The key is recognizing the adventure within a "normal" existence. Only boring people get bored.

Now I wonder if I could give up sleeping.
Nope that's all too necessary for recuperation from a yoga practice.

OOH! I have come up with something I can do without. Facebook.
I still don't get the hype and self promotion (yes, yes, blogging is right up there with facebooking/twitting but there is certainly a distinction) and why and how people can put so much time into it, then throw in all of the various changes in etiquette that have resulted. Sure I'm in touch with people I probably would have not been otherwise - but who's to say our paths wouldn't have crossed otherwise. (Ok, maybe I might not have come across my 7th grade boyfriend - who I learned is now a Latin ballroom dance instructor - again without the mystical powers of Facebook.)

That all being said, can I eliminate it? Sure.
Would I probably miss some things that I should know? Yes.
But then I think of it like declaring email bankruptcy after a two week vacation.

If it's important, it will find a way to make itself known.
steps off soap box

* * *

Last night's yoga class brought to you by: Bikram Takoma Park.

At least with these crazy work hours I've been able to get into a class. I'm starting to wonder if my growing affinity towards Bikram has to do with the ease of availability. And I have also had these wild flutterings of temptation to do one of those crazy 30-day challenges.

#reverb10: Day 01 -- One Word

2010-12-01T13:47:00.003-05:00

Prompt: One Word. Encapsulate the year 2010 in one word. Explain why you're choosing that word. Now, imagine it's one year from today, what would you like the word to be that captures 2011 for you?

Response: Chrysalis.

It's been a year of observation, processing and growing, evolving. Moving forward with little hesitation, opening to new experiences and working to achieve the balance (not necessarily with the most forthright "success") within what needs to be done and what I want for my life. With all of this, the realization that to actually do it all, concessions must be made.

2011 Manifest: Catharsis.

Emergence into an even richer sense of self - from yoga to work to art and life in general.

* * *

Stumbled on this little project from a friend from HS' blog. Seemed like a good thing to do to get back into the writing/blogging habit. On multiple occasions, D has mentioned "No Ashtanga, no blogging?" Well, at the tail end of the year, I'm going to rectify this - even if by way of an outside construct.

Work work has been a pretty dominant force recently, pulling late hours. I haven't seen the light of day at 4:30am for a couple weeks now and that's beginning to get a tad frustrating.

But I'll be back to the early morning mat soon and have made plans on coupling this #reverb10 project with a daily asana practice.

Nothing like going all in at the last possible moment.

616/325: Sore.

2010-10-19T09:20:00.000-04:00

Post title says it all.

615/324: Sentience.

2010-10-18T21:05:00.000-04:00

Left off counting at 608/323 with Ashtanga; 614 for Iyengar 5ish months ago.

Sure I've taken classes since then - primarily Iyengar based (when I actually managed to make it there), some Bikram of late (when weekends permitted), some (semblance of passing thought of) practice on my own. In these 5ish months time there was a move and other bits and pieces of life and health stuff in there as well as some manifest time exploring options of existence.

Everything you do effects everything.

The initial idea in my mind was that I was done with Ashtanga.
My friends who practice Iyengar were shocked.

Then...
I started thinking...

...and decided that I would reevaluate my decision at the end of a year.

Well, it's been 5ish months.

I sunk into a yogasana-funk.
The funk was completely cured by Friday night pizza with my good friend from middle/high school - Tattoo'd Daisy and her friend Tea Blossom.

They got me on the subject of yoga and I couldn't stop talking or thinking about it.

I walked back into AYC this morning, with a little bit of trepidation and given the 5ish months of sporadic to non-existent practice:

I was surprised by the fact that I remembered the sequence, I admit, it's a little rusty - but not bad since I had banished Ashtanga from my existence and this morning somehow I made it through some semblance of a decent complete primary;
It was wonderful to see the familiar faces and some new ones;
D easily (almost too easily) slid me into supta kurmasana - I'm waiting for the honeymoon to be over on this one; and
Have been given yet one more sirsasana and strengthening technique, this one direct from runway (shala) of Paris.

More than anything, I have a new found respect for what is done in shalas and in homes on a morning basis.

Awareness.

2010-10-17T05:15:00.005-04:00

Awareness is the point at which the mind reaches out beyond itself into reality. In awareness you seek not what pleases, but what it true.

~ Sri Nisaragadatta Maharaj

*Dikshit, Sudhakar S. ed. I Am That: Talks with Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj. Acorn Press: Durham, 2008. 346.

Stew

2010-09-16T08:47:00.007-04:00

So it's been about 6 months since I practiced with any semblance of consistency. Walking to the metro in the morning, there's a crispness that is starting to linger ever so gently in the air.

What did I learn in these 6 months?
First and foremost, that a consistent yoga practice is a wonderful thing.

Also, learned and accept that I miss Ashtanga - I miss the comfort of it, the discipline, the regimented nature of it. However, I'm not ready to go back. Padmasana is just starting to feel comfortable on my right hip again. My asthma is settling and have not been waking with breathing difficulty though the night.

Instead of throwing myself deep into it - it's going to be a methodical return. If I went back now I think it would only be frustrating and aggravating and I would probably do myself more harm than good. What good is it to only go two days and then take two weeks off?

On average it takes a good 2-3 hours to make hunter's stew or beef bourguignon.

An hour and a half for a ratatouille.

For some things, there are no shortcuts and/or no substitutions.

So I'll continue to methodically blend some aspects of Iyengar and Ashtanga, throw in a little Vinyasa Krama here and there. Maybe a smattering of something else, just to change it up.

Let it all simmer for a while.

Release through Constructs

2010-08-13T09:45:00.004-04:00

The comments of Carl and Yogiconomist, really got me thinking.
Maybe it's a combination of the two.

A duality.
A release and a binding.

Maybe the strict discipline and regimented lifestyle of an Ashtanga practitioner is no longer needed within the context of my daily existence. But there is still a need and desire for a daily practice, for that discipline and mindfulness, release within a construct.

Nothing light of a quandary to be sure.

Ashtanga allowed me to lose myself in something that wasn't work, that wasn't family, that was completely outside of where I came from in order to forget some, to remember some, but ultimately to really begin another stage of healing.

To form an intense bond with something which joins physical expression with that mind-shift coveted by most artists - is nothing short of a remarkable experience.

It stays the same, I changed.

At a workshop with M. Manos in RI at the end of June, he said something that really stuck with me. Paraphrasing: These practices can allow the world to open up. For some that path is solely asana, for some it allows many new experiences to open up. Just go with it and enjoy the ride.

Nothing that wasn't understood at least intuitively, but the validation from an outside force is always welcome.

Right now, what I think I need to learn is self-discipline within my current context, constructed by me to allow all the plates to spin to their optimal degree.

Yes, there are a plethora of great teachers and classes here in DC - but then practice is structured around and reliant on an another's existing time construct.

How am I going to really get going in this new art thing,
if I cannot even find/schedule 90 minutes on my own, let alone 30?

Renegade Flooding.

2010-08-12T09:58:00.004-04:00

Wish I had my surfboard.
Might have made getting to work a bit easier.

Like Spinning Plates

2010-08-10T13:34:00.002-04:00

Only 1 plate missing.
Asana.

Part.

2010-06-11T12:35:00.009-04:00

A week or so ago Bindifry had this great post.

I've kept on rereading it, especially given it's relevancy over my current bit of on-again-off-again Ashtanga practice AYC. I’ve been trying my darndest to draw boundaries, allocate time and find balance between work and life and yoga, this I know I need to work on but at the same time, some things are out of my control.

I have only made it to AYC for practice 4 mornings since my last post.
No apologies.

Moves happen.
Document reviews happen.
Allergy season happens.
Dreams happen.
General life happens.

Somewhere in the mix, practice has continued on my own, snippets here and there on a new hardwood floor in the only spot devoid of cardboard boxes. An Ashtanga practice slowly evolving into something more of Ashtanga-Iyengar cross breed.

There's something about the discipline of working though something with body practices that start to make sense in terms of "real" world applications. Look at any artist or performer or scholar or high power attorney or captain of industry, they devote the bulk of their life to their Art, more often than not eschewing convention for what they feel inherently is right for them. Body/movement arts seem to tap into this at a base level, cultivating a desire and a system of application.

Over time.
Equilibrium is reached. Granted, more often than not it's a dynamic equilibrium, but equilibrium nevertheless.

Passions develop over time and deepening occurs.
Cultivated by those who we choose to surround ourselves with, by getting us to look at what we're doing and our true motivations.

Also, give a healthy dose of reality, or at least turn it on it's head.

Two Years...

2010-05-12T12:28:00.002-04:00

320 Mysore Style practices.

Sweet practice this morning with a free standing Tiriang Mukhottanasana.

* * *

I proclaim this upcoming year for me: the year of Lolasana.
I will get my butt off the ground.

Flights of Fancy

2010-05-11T10:19:00.006-04:00

I walked around the office yesterday with a little smile knowing that, like all the best superheros, I too have a secret identity that few know about or understand within my corporate environs.

[I also had forgotten how awesome it is to fly.]

Confluence of Passions.

2010-04-23T12:47:00.004-04:00

Due to a confluence of articles, ideas and conversation flying about with friends - I realize my prose has been short and images slightly more bountiful when I do get around to posting. I'm coming to terms with the idea that this whole yoga thing - specifically Ashtanga - is what one could call a passion project for me.

Why though?
Why Ashtanga?

Why haven't I been able to channel this into something like juggling, music or at an even more base level, Art?

Art. Something that I have vivid memories of - sitting in a RISD Saturday morning art class, sun streaming through the windows of the Market Building at the age of 7 and proclaiming emphatically to the teacher: I'll be an Artist.

Of course, over time my idea of Art has morphed some. But if something is going to endure, doesn't it have to evolve over time? I've come to realize that working with my hands is something I truly enjoy, creating something tangible. After all, I am the daughter of my parents, who with the help of their parents, built the house that they still live in. Even today, with his photography, the Artist stretches the canvas himself and the frames are assembled by the Mathematician.

There's some fear in taking those steps to create.
Devoting what limited time remains in my day or weekends to pencils, paper, fabric, metal, photography or however this would manifest itself - doesn't leave much time for the normal pursuits of your typical 30 y/o female. That being said, I recognize, I'm not your typical 30 y/o female.

Over dinner a couple weekends ago with Aikidōka at the apartment of another of his childhood friends, Banjo Pilgrim, along with Conservation Sprite, I silently marveled at their collective energy and freedom. Not only the diversity of each of their creative pursuits, but more the seemingly fearlessness with which they approach them.

Something I have also always seen in the Mathematician and the Artist.

Something I want to cultivate further within myself.

589/312: Contorture.

2010-04-21T17:40:00.010-04:00

Torture.
Contortion.

Two sides of the coin. Same practice.

Heh.

2010-04-14T05:44:00.003-04:00

It's a MoonDay isn't it?
sigh.

Concessions: a lovely brisk 2 mile walk in & an overpriced mediocre chai from the 'bucks.

Simplicity.

2010-04-12T20:16:00.007-04:00

Then to return to perpetual motion.

General Frustrations.

2010-04-07T09:01:00.003-04:00

I'm still having difficulty with my asthma/breathing at night.

Practicing I'm fine.
Consciously controlling breath.
Moving. Gently opening and controlling the body.

It' been well over two weeks of general asthma difficulty and a week, of being unable to wake for morning practice. 5:30 am start time is not so reasonable when you've been waking every two to three hours for a nebulizer treatment and then to roll into work for a 8.5 hour work day.

Granted. It's been a gorgeous spring here in DC. Which means there's proportionally that much more pollen.

I'm really starting to wonder if this asthma difficulty is more muscular than formal asthma attacks. An epsom salt bath at 3:35 this morning relieved most of my symptoms. But I don't know if that is just from the normal effects of magnesium sulfate - which I've had in the ER multiple times as a treatment for an asthma attack and was part of the hospital trials when I was a kid. Looking back over the days I've practiced and when I've been getting up for meds/having breathing difficulty has coincided conscious work at attempting to engage jalandhara bandha though to moola bandha.

Integrating both halves of the body.

Do I need to teach the body that muscle tightness in the chest cavity, isn't necessarily an asthma attack?

Something to ponder at least.

578: Ending Moments.

2010-03-25T23:50:00.008-04:00

To the Thursday Night Crew,
Namaste.

To Spirited C,
Namaste.

576/307 Consistency.

2010-03-24T13:55:00.012-04:00

I have this sneaky suspicion that there is something to this regular consistent practice.

Wednesday last week D re-added supta vajrasana.
Yesterday bakasana was added <-- not that I can figure out how to "Sprung nach vorne, Balance auf den geraden Armen, die gebeugten Beine in der Luft*" nor do I have the correct / adequate strength yet. But progress is being / will be made.

And oddly enough, I'm finding supta vajrasana quite enjoyable.

Dare I say it?
I'm starting to enjoy 2nd series.

*jump forward balancing on straight arms, bend legs in the air, http://www.ashtangayoga.info/praxis/uebungsserien/intermediate-series-nadi-shodhana/item/bakasana-b/

* * *

I realize that I haven't spoken much about the workshop out in Charlottesville with John Campbell. I probably burnt out a bit on talking about it. Suffice it to say, it was an amazing experience - he truly is a fantastic teacher. Not one of those "big names," but certified and more importantly simply and honestly a solid teacher.

There was a lot of depth to what he had to say and his adjustments. And when I did pause my practice it was interesting watching him work with those there who were unfamiliar with Mysore style and the students who were more advanced. But of the two, it was really good watching/hearing him work with the beginning students. In lecture it was really good to hear him talk about the practice and the philosophy surrounding it - giving a depth to the practice which the academic in me believes is really important.

He talked a bit about how he goes about teaching Mysore style - really taking the time, spending the time to lay the foundation for the rest of the system. First week is sun-salutations A/B and the basic finishing postures. Period. Then going in to how this is a very conservative system, rooted in how things were traditionally/culturally taught - by pure memorization, something that is not valued in contemporary society. A lost art if you will. He gave the example of young children in India begin taught the Vedas, before they could even begin to fathom their meanings they learn the exact words and the exact pronunciations and intonations (like learning the vinyasas). Which of course also lends itself to learning Sanskrit and going back to the original texts to be able to understand the nuance of word and phrase choice.

In terms of asana there were nuance differences, but such is the nature of this practice or any other practice. A student picks up the habits and nuance of their teacher whether they like it or not, ultimate fidelity will always be lost unless going to "original" source material.

His work with me on tiriang mukhottanasana (a/k/a chakra bhandasana) on the Saturday was amazing and still dumbfounds me that my body/back could get that depth. He had me ultimately at my upper calves, straight legs standing by lightly holding me up by his fore and middle fingers pressed lightly on each ASIS. He really exploited my back flexibility by use of breath. I wasn't cranked and yanked into the pose. Of course, I freaked out and my breath got choked when I realized where I was and sprung up slightly bewildered.

Ultimately, the weekend showed just how important the correct vinyasas with solid breath are as the mechanisms for delivering a solid asana within the sequence.

Back & Hit the Ground Running.

2010-03-16T13:36:00.006-04:00

What a solid weekend!

Somewhere along the line I think I had forgotten why I fell for this practice. This past weekend reminded me - the grace and strength, the intelligence of the sequence and system, and the philosophical undertones.

But first and foremost, it still comes down to the grace and strength.
Note that I don't say bendiness.
Bendiness does not strength and grace make.

While giving the whirlwind 55-min recap to Aikidōka Sunday night, I realized just how much I learned in such a short time. Come to think of it, I hardly paused for a breath. Ultimately, I came out of the 250+ miles traveled refreshed ready to settle into and working with Ashtanga. None of this mucking about and flitting around, save for some sporadic play here and there to keep things fresh, fun, and the asana tight.

Further to the philosophical bent which is obvious given his pedigree, John Campbell was really into vinyasa. So that's what I've currently tasked myself with - I figure if I can really get things synched-up, maybe I'll begin figure out that whole moola bandha issue. Obviously, I have been flitting around because of continual frustration at my lack of both strength and general anatomical integration for jump back/throughs and inversions and hoping beyond all hope that someone somewhere would provide some immediate magic answer.

Abracadabra-presto-chango-*poof* Jumpback!
Nope.

I know I'm not moving efficiently through the vinyasas and this just bugs me.

I'm coming to terms with the reality that I have a long way to go on the bandha issue. It would be nice if I could muscle my way through this. That doesn't seem to be an option. Besides, I've always had a penchant for doing things technically proper - which usually takes a bit longer at the onset.

Perpetual Motion Machine

2010-03-11T08:39:00.009-05:00

I begin to wonder if that's the fate of modern life.

From one thing to another. Every cyclical, upward spiraling - connected. Circles intersecting for a fleeting moment on a regular basis or just sporadically. Speeding up and slowing down like the well heeled soles of a tanguera on the floor of a milonga, moving with her partner, synched with the staccato notes of the accordion.

But also like an accordion, cramming and stuffing life into a small space and time.

* * *

This weekend I'm going to try not to even think about what class I'm registering for next session at UnityWoods or how balancing Ashtanga and Iyengar works. I've loved every moment of just practicing Ashtanga this week in preparation for the weekend.

Of course I have been running around all week - cramming 5 work days into a normal 4. Shopping, cleaning, cooking, and laundry when back at my apartment, collapsing into bed after short but sweet and warming evening conversations.

Tomorrow will start some pause - forget about everything.

Just the forecasted rain, my iPod and a 3 hour drive.
A weekend with no internet and spotty mobile service -
A weekend of Ashtanga and philosophy.

Day 21: Three Weeks Gone.

2010-03-06T14:37:00.008-05:00

The flexibility in my hand is not quite back but close, the swelling is minimal, and maybe just a dull ache. All major improvements from 21 days ago. Twenty one days of running the gambit. Initially impetuously halting practice, then tentatively and humbly returning to a modified practice, frustration with not healing faster, and today another return to contentment.

Intuitively I think I'm starting to understand what D has expressed to me on multiple occasions about not mucking about "with all those different types of yoga." Just doing one. Allowing the nuance and intelligence to appear. To some extent, I don't think I was/am allowing that to happen. Sporadically making my way to AYC in fits and spurts - collapsing in sheer exhaustion the day after a class at UnityWoods.

What was I really becoming so hell-bent on getting to?
All in the name of what? Really?

Just as life is really not all about the Benjamins, sometimes I need to remind myself that this is not all about the poses.

Consistency and quality over quantity any day.
The poses are merely markers.

I can begin to see why teachers within any of Krishnamacharya's students' methods tend to ask their students for fidelity. There is a system. Systems are put in place for a reason. The reason only becomes apparent when you actually immerse yourself within that discipline - and usually things happen faster. Work at something with a disciplined approach and shifts will occur.

Go off and play. But return with fervor, perspective, and respect.

Looking at the major branches of asana practice (on face) derived from Krishnamacharya, his students, the fathers of these branches were probably taught in a way specific to their respective strengths and weaknesses. The mark of a brilliant teacher.

Balance needs to be found and the systems should be self regulating - naturally coming to an equilibrium.
That's a lesson learned on the first day of HS chemistry and is still applicable.

Day 19: Follow-up Honesty.

2010-03-04T17:07:00.005-05:00

I'm winged and I can't get my friggin' butt off the ground.
Even if I wasn't winged, it would be the same.

Yes, this is the obligatory weekly doom & gloom post.

Day 19: Connectivity & Compartmentalization.

2010-03-04T13:01:00.006-05:00

A long, long time ago, back in second semester of my senior year of college, I had the wonderful opportunity to study figure drawing with Bunny Harvey (yes, that is her name). I loved the skeleton project and at home drawing assignments, there was always a way I could conceive of the connections between that and work in architecture studio - something along the lines of Ashtanga and Iyengar - she tenderly nurtured that.

When it came to working in class with our wonderful model Lib, for some reason, unless the cosmos properly aligned I could never get her body to consistently appear as whole.

The top half of her body would be gestured/sketched/rendered well, as would the bottom half. However, probably 50% of the time it looked as though her body had been cut in half and haphazardly sewn back together. (Fwiw, the one day we had a pregnant model that was the one day filled with consistency and thankfully I could align all the seams properly.)

Fast forward to 2005, I decided to take a life drawing course at the Corcoran. Same body sewn in half issue - but much worse - the top and bottom halves of the body might as well have been drawn on two separate newsprint pads.

Instead of torturing myself, the teacher, and the models, I dropped the class.

Plodding my way through primary and sitting in marichyasana-a this morning, shoulders down my back and chin lightly grazing my right knee, I realized something - quite profound. For me, for the most part, the asanas in and of themselves prove little quandary. The micro-muscular movements are there, engagement of the various bhandas while in a pose are there. There is strength and counter forces and intelligent use of flexibility. This is why I probably enjoy Iyengar so much, as most classes/sequences are asana-centric.

Sure I can sit in a pose.

But ask me about vinyasa, I become all left-footed.
Grace flies out the window. There is no connection between my top half and bottom half, let alone the breath of my body.

How do I find connectivity?
Lightness within a dense Eastern European-Anglo female frame?
Movement with breath that's not robotic?

The main reason I started practicing Ashtanga was because of the grace, the vinysasas.

Day 18: Rumination.

2010-03-03T17:08:00.004-05:00

Chopin's 200th birthday was March 1.
He passed away at the age of 39 from TB.
What did he accomplish in this time? Many highly complex solo piano pieces.

How does one accomplish so much in so little time?
Would that even be possible in today's society?
Are we suffering modern sensory overload?
Too many distractions coupled with too many things we feel we have to do?

When in reality there are truly only a few simple things at the core...

Practice is the one time of my run-of-the-mill-day where everything else disappears. All that other stuff?
Just evaporates.

* * *

Today practiced my first almost-fully-unmodified primary in almost three weeks now - fairly easily, smoothly.

Maybe a little gingerly - but good ntl.
No thoughts. No whims. No pressure.

Day 17: Equipoise & Convalescence

2010-03-02T11:39:00.001-05:00

Checked in with the osteopath last Thursday - with another round of x-rays. All is healing quite nicely - he was actually quite impressed with how much my hand improved in the span of a week. Amazing what following doctor's orders, castor oil wraps and modifying practice will do...

Currently, no splint - just mindfulness. A tiny set-back might have been suffered in the name of the men's national ice hockey team - but a little pain in the name of one's country during the Olympics isn't such a bad thing.

It will still be another week before I can begin to speculate to get back into hand-balancing. That being said, easing back into the groove has been relatively smooth. Somehow I feel a bit stronger for all of this - spent a lot of time working with the core, not relying on the arms and have dialed it back a few notches, maybe found a bit of renewed contentment with practice. Also have discovered some new limits to my body by holding poses longer, focusing on breath and with modification finding a little bit of play. Sure, there is still some lingering aggravation and frustration with not being able to do everything.

But, right now, there is no rush to get anywhere.
Don't get me wrong, by no means am I becoming complacent.

Day 11: Semper Ubi Sub Ubi.

2010-02-24T13:24:00.002-05:00

Oldie, but goody.
Must figure out how to pack
from practice to work.

(At least my work is near a Macy's.)

Day 9: Pity Party's Over.

2010-02-24T12:38:00.002-05:00

Monday I got off my cranky butt and decided that I was going to actually practice as much of primary in sequence as possible modifying and omitting where necessary.

First roadblock, obviously is at vinyasa 4 = catvāri, chaturanga. Solution?
Return, inhale to halfway lift as in vinyasa 3 trīṇi, exhale, to uttanasana 5 br as adho mukha svanasana. Wonderfully enough - this has worked. The vinyasas actually work out properly so that chaturanga, up-dog and down dog can be omitted. For surya namaskara B? Just step back to virabhandrasana a. Yes it is slightly awkward, but it still works.

Except for pada hastasana, the entire standing sequence is in with various modifications - trikonasana and utthita parsvakonasana have to be slightly modified so that I'm not placing my hand flat on the ground, and working off of the extended leg. Prasarita paddotansana A, arms similar to mukha hasta sirsasana b and for parsvottanasana arms similar to those in prasarita paddotanasana c or just grabbing elbows. If grabbing elbows, working on engagement of intercostals, extending as far out over extended leg as possible.

Transition to floor, step forward move down to pasasana legs, extend one leg out hang there for a breath and very inelegantly plop to the ground.

Poses out from primary completely:
Purvottanasana
That evil lift between Navasanas (really not disappointed about this)
Bhuja Pidasana
Tittibhasana
Bakasana
Lifted Dwi Pada Sirsasana
Sticking the hands though in Garbha Pindasana
Kukkutasana
Chakrasana
Urdhva Dhanurasana
Salambasana
Sirsasana
Utplutih

The remainder of the poses are in - the binds aren't bad as long as I bind on the wrist and use a light grip with my pinky and ring finger. Faux-transitions between poses, lifting half way up from cross legged seated without using arms or from seated knees bent to pasasana legs.

To get my back bend fix, setu bandha sarvangasana (really grounding through the balls of the feet), ustrasana/kapotasna modification of thighs against the wall (working in and up the wall, chest up and over and hang back), and standing hang backs to hold.

Also, Monday night got my inversion fix on the ropes at UnityWoods.
I'm really missing sirsasana and have been unable to come up with a solution/modification that I can easily incorporate without the use of ropes.

Day 6: Simplicity of Practice.

2010-02-19T23:02:00.004-05:00

"Making the simple complicated is commonplace; making the complicated simple, awesomely simple, that's creativity."
~ Charles Mingus.

Patterns and listening to the subtle body.
The subtle body sits, patiently, as who we are, and yet, we oft deny it for some perceived ideal of who we believe we are and how others see us. It's easier that way.

Many out there in the cybershala and the DC/extended-Cru have reminded of this in their own ways recently - something that Spirited C has gently been trying to teach me over these past couple months, began to sink in with the snowy blizzardy DC weekend in chatting with Aikidoka and has hit me like an ACME anvil dropped from sky with this whole hand thing.

I've had to let go of how I wanted to feel about my practice before I head to Charlottesville in a couple weeks to practice with John Campbell (who has a crazy beautiful backbend). My fears of practicing with Lino Miele in May and Manouso Manos in July, yeah, they're still there. Yes. Things could be worse, much worse - but when mired in personal reality, perspectives are skewed. Honestly, my ego is still smarting some but there's time - where and why am I rushing anywhere?

Honesty in Simplicity.
Allowing the practice itself to be the teacher.

Something that Jois aims at in his 125 page tome and Iyengar himself reiterates over and over in his diffuse writings. Listening. Real time feedback. Observation without judgment and expectation of the Self. There is such a beautiful potential within any practice - there is no reason to fight it - it fits when it is necessary and will hit a point of stasis when necessary within its process.

Day 5: Grabbing at Air

2010-02-18T12:16:00.003-05:00

The ace wrap has been removed. But, one more week of a splint with further follow-up again next Thursday. Contrary to what the ER doctor told me, I should be making some use of my hand, opening and closing every once in a while. Still icing but not as feverishly.

Personally, it seems a little silly to me that they still can't tell if there are minor fractures to the distal ends of my metacarpals or if it's just soft tissue damage. Basically, if I still have pain next week, there are probably small fractures in there. If not, all's well that ends well.

The doctor specifically reminded me no handstands - for some reason.

Day 4: Not Soooo Grumbly Wednesday Night.

2010-02-18T07:36:00.004-05:00

Actually, a quite successful practice, if I do say so myself (also, having a package from amazon.com to open after practicing definitely helped keep me on track). One thing I realized, just how much truly goes into sequencing. Having gone into practice without a real plan seems to have worked decently, looking at it this morning typed out, it looks to be a hodgepodge of Iyengar classes more than anything else.

(sequence segments are blocked together and as always, if asymmetrical pose, right leg leads, left leg follows, repeated second side)

belly bolster
back bolster

trikonasana - back flush to wall, pelvis curved in, forearm of bottom arm to thigh, front femur rotated into hip socket, line of torso as straight as possible
parivritta trikonasana - face wall, revolve triangle, pelvis level, top shoulder flush to wall using core to pull up
prasarita padottanasana - back against wall, pulling back of pelvis up to wall, torso through legs, arms through legs

trikonasana - free from wall
parivritta trikonasana - free from wall
virabhadrasana I - lengthening back leg straight from socket, squaring pelvis, torso straight up from pelvis
virabhadrasana III - lengthening in opposite directions from lifted foot to upper chest (too my stress on hand extended)
trikonasana

trikonasana
virabhrasana II
utthita parsvakonasana

trikonasana
virabhadrasana II
utthita parsvakonasana
ardha chandrasana - lifted foot on wall, bottom arm lifted from ground by torso
trikonasana

parsvottanasana - extending arms out over leg

ado mukha svanasana - over the back of a chair

urdhva chaturanga

dandasana

pascimottanasana
eka pada virasana - to supta

virasana - to supta - to bolstering shins to drop pelvis "below floor level"

triang mukha eka pada pascimottanasa

janu sirsasana c, b, a - legs and forward fold, no binds

baddhakonasana - sit bones bolstered to ease adductors and gracilii muscles

bharadvajasana

bhujangasana - look ma! no hands!
salambasana a
dwi pada viparita dandasana - supported through folding chair

viparita karani
savasana

And such a good sleep into this morning and off to the osteopath in just a few minutes.

Day 3: Grumbly.

2010-02-17T12:03:00.005-05:00

This whole hand thing is a lot more of a challenge than I thought it was going to be.

My sleep has been restless and uncomfortable so practice in the morning hasn't been happening. D was right, there's nothing quite like practice in the morning and I don't think I fully appreciated it until now. Mind you if I practice in the morning, practice in the evening seems to come much easier.

In the morning, there's no stress pent up from the day, no distractions running through my mind, no race to practice in so that I can cook dinner and get to bed at a reasonable hour.

I was whiny yesterday. Really whiny.

It worsened and spiraled over the course of the day. For practice, when I finally slogged myself to my mat, I riffed on Geeta Iyengar's menstrual sequence - figured that would do my mind good. I had nowhere near the necessary mental pliability for either a full on restorative practice or a "regular-modified" practice.

I know I should have gone by pose names - flash card learning and all - but doodles were much easier than writing. The simple exercise of doodling / planning the sequence was in and of itself quite cathartic.

But how I am yearning for urdhva dhanurasana, any inversion, and even bhekasana.

Santosha. Annica. Ishvarapranidhana.
I know. I know. I know.

Day 1: Breaking Down the Ego; Day 2: Exercises in Creativity and Play.

2010-02-15T20:20:00.006-05:00

Talk about humility. I didn't realize how much much weight we ask our hands to bear during any practice.

Just look at the primary sequence alone - from balances to binds.

Sunday's winged practice limped along as I half-heartedly muddled my way in and around primary, half distracted by fresh cranberry dark chocolate puddle cookies and general frustration that I don't have my regular practice right now. I've been good - keeping my splint on so I don't use the hand at all.

The better part of the day was spent avoiding my mat, avoiding practice, until I pulled out my practice journal and my copy of Ramaswarmi's Vinyasa Yoga during lunch. Flipping though both I started to see ways I could modify my practice - down dog over the back of a folding chair pressing the forearms into the seat, etc as part of the integration sequence. Spent the majority of the practice exploring forward bends and Ramaswami's triangle sequence with long holds.

If I had to pick the coolest thing from practice today, urdhva chaturanga dhandasana. Just one of those things, no reason not to try right?

Think I've certainly found something to continue to work with - the floor forces the correct pelvic alignment, shoulder and forearm alignment, and extending through the balls of the feet pressing against a wall seems to get deep into my core.

It was actually quite liberating not to be bound by a set sequence or counts. To sit with a pose, to allow the body to dictate what it needs.
Practice without expectation.

To dance instead of fight.

Fall from Grace

2010-02-13T08:38:00.005-05:00

10 days. No weight bearing poses - certainly no upside down trees or balancing or dogs. Standing poses and forward bends and hip openers for me.

Lots of ice - at least DC has plenty of that.

Snowpocalypse DC 2010

2010-02-06T15:55:00.003-05:00

Written Material

2010-01-28T13:55:00.005-05:00

There seem to be myriad of books written by B. K. S. Iyengar.
There's only 1, singular book, written by Sri K. Pattabhi Jois. 1.

There are some Iyengar-centric blogs out there, but really in the vastness of the blog-sphere very, very, limited (based on my searches). Ashtanga-centric blogs, on the other hand, there is certainly no shortage.

Coincidence?

The first sentence I read during my commute into work today:

2010-01-26T10:43:00.009-05:00

"Nothing can be achieved without knowledge, action, devotion, and will."
Iyengar, B.K.S. Astadala Yogamala. Volume 1, 85.

The Monday night level 3 at UnityWoods is kicking my butt.
It's shown me that I rely waaaaaay too much on flexibility.

(And continues to keep me up long into the early hours of the morning - if anyone has suggestions for winding down after a night class filled with backbends, inversions and arm balances, I'm open to pretty much anything at this point)

Pose after pose alternating twists and various arm balances with urdhva dhanuarasana. Those long holds of UD seemed like a walk in the park and a much deserved rest. The first three arm balances were ok. Not the prettiest eka hasta bhujasana or first stage of astavakrasana or bhujapidasana (alternating ankle cross mid pose) but actually got some air.

4th arm balance was second stage of astavakrasana. My interpretation looked more like legs crossed around either right or left arm while collapsed in a contorted heap on the floor pose. Gravity was in full effect in my 28" x 68" area - more so than anywhere else in the room. Teacher called me out from her mat at the front of the room, "Where's your arm balance? Use those intercostals girl!" Nope. Not firing whatsoever. Only me crumpled in a contorted heap in the pool of sweat that had accumulated on my mat - shaking, struggling to lift the bottom hip from the floor.

Moving in to sirsasana teacher commented that she wants to move into some of the more advanced arm balances later on this session. Boy do I have my work cut out for me - part of me really wants to retreat back to the level 2 or 2/3. The stubborn part won't allow that.

I've heard many comment on how humbling an Ashtanga practice can be.
This Iygengar class has certainly shown me what my knees are for.

527; 532/281; 534/282: A Whole Different UHP

2010-01-20T17:45:00.007-05:00

In Iyengar class, 13 days ago, 10.01.07 we compared the Ashtanga and Iyengar versions of utthita hasta padagusthasana.

Huge mathematical difference between the two. Ashtanga one hand, two fingers to big toe raise leg to π/2 or at most 2π/3, and then forward fold, chin to shin (if going "old skool"). Iyengar, lift leg to π/2 or to position where foot can be grabbed by one hand and then both hands and raise leg as close to π as possible then chin to shin. Of course theoretically the pelvis should be kept square and level and perpendicular to floor - in both versions.

Then to work on correcting the alignment of the hip and femur and leg, Spirited C had us line up against the wall, butt, heel, and back against the wall. It's hard stand like that - let alone to keep everything aligned and raise that leg, then to grab the foot with both hands - not even considering personal anatomical (short arm) issues. Thank goodness for straps.

Fast forward, 10.01.17, AYC DC Sunday morning, cruising along in the standing sequence. D walks by my mat and points towards the ropes wall and directs me to put my butt and heel against the wall and instructs me to enter UHP. I maybe was able to lift either leg to π/3 without toppling - reaching an arm to the big toe, not even able to merely speculate the possibility.

This morning, exiting parsovatanasana, I stood at the front of my mat, glance around and decide that humility is the best option for a Wednesday morning. Back to the ropes wall...

Are they knowingly or unknowingly in cahoots?

* * *

Three things of personal note when I wasn't toppling all over the place and hanging on the ropes:

1. Padabandha of the standing leg very important.
2. With D's assistance to actually get the raised foot, I was able to get this amazing stretch in the outer hip and inner calf of the raised leg.
3. Correct alignment, seems to accentuate where flexibility and strength are lacking (and it's quite amazing how the body can easily compensate).

The path is always significant.

2010-01-18T15:54:00.011-05:00

18 days into 20-10 and already things have somehow spun into warp-speed.

I've already put some travel for a couple workshops on my calendar and my weekends seem to be filling fast with social engagements. In conversation, Mrs. A and I have toyed with the idea that January 20-10 seems to be more of an annex of 2009 than it's own separate entity. Maybe that it's more transitional than anything else.

Right now a lot of things feel as though they are in limbo - the only two things that seem to provide stability are work and yoga. But I'm still trying to work out how to best balance the Iyengar classes with Ashtanga - so really the only thing that isn't in flux is work. (?!)

I'm taking a level 3 Iyengar class at UnityWoods one night a week. First, I'm normally in bed by the time it's over and in the first class of the session, I was quite surprised that I didn't doze off in handstand. Second, this teacher loves dropbacks and inversions and as a result of the sequence, I was absolutely wired for sound until 2am. Which now that I think about it, could be a great time to work on art related stuff.

Part of it is that that I'm trying to figure this yoga thing out - how it fits, how the rest of the world fits, and where this all "goes." As many of us know, this practice can easily become all consuming - as a whole or in parts. Ask the Mathematician and the Artist, I have always readily become obsessed with the esoteric and dogged in a search for something if I feel it significant. I have piles of books I want to read and things I would love to do extra work on "in my free time" (getting both my butt and feet off the ground between navasana simultaneously would be nice for starters).

But to what end and sacrifice?

Saturday night with SeattleSunshine - sharing some wine, laughs, tears, and dreams - nothing was resolved but I have some better ideas. She asked about my 5 year goals/dreams. I drew a blank and she wouldn't let me change the subject. I feel as though I'm still on the verge of something and have to make a decision. Maybe not a final decision, but just a decision to refine direction - to offer further perspective.

I can say with certainty that time and space always seem to provide this, like with all things I think that, ultimately, it's just having patience (with a dash of persistence).

Epitome

2009-12-31T12:30:00.010-05:00

2009 has been an interesting year to say the least.
There's a part of me that wants to describe it as zero-sum.

Then, I think:
What could cosmically happen if I did that on a Moon Day, which is also a Harvest/Blue Moon, on New Years on the eve 2010, with a lunar eclipse? Possibly none, but one never knows...there are some Fates I don't like to tempt.

Funny how things happen as they do.
Although, really, I'm not surprised at this point.

Through the better part of the year I've felt as though I've been turning in revolution with ever increasing velocity. Rediscovering forgotten fragments, to making peace with the past, to new experiences, to simply living for the moment with surrender. Then, blending them together in various combination, filling the year with a new sense of purpose, discovery, and energy.

Should I question what this stems from?

It would be easy to point to the asana practice; however, I think it comes more from the discipline with which I approached it and the judicious choices made ostensibly "for the practice." (Obtainable in some form for anyone who studies/pursues anything with honest inquisitiveness and fidelity.) This was mentioned in very brief passing during the workshop and I spent some time probing this further with Fluellen and Aikidoka while up in RI.

As Kino was assisting me into tiriang mukhottanasana, there was this moment where I think I got a fleeting glimpse of the gravity of all of "this." What "this" is, I can't and don't want to define. It could be as simple as being another moment standing at the edge of opportunity and time. Just continuing to move forward, without fear, judgment or expectation.

Here's to the year MMIX and to MMX.
Wishing everyone, the best of health, peace and joy for the entire year to come!

Prelude to an Epitome

2009-12-31T08:00:00.006-05:00

December has been quite puckish.

Between travel, the Kino workshop here in DC and then being thwalloped by bronchitis.

Not your normal run of the mill bronchitis. Bronchitis that laid me up in bed after dragging myself to and from work in denial that I was actually able to breathe. Then there was the snow day which I decided to practice - after being in bed for 4 days watching Lost, sleeping and drinking soup and tea. Initially I had planned to just do primary. Then I did one more pose, then one more pose and before I knew it, I had practiced my entire sequence. Felt great until about 2 hours later when I had absolutely no energy and passed out for the remainder of the day. Save for the Monday before Christmas, 5:30 am practice did not happen at all last week.

A little research provided a "bronchitis" sequence in LOY - after emailing Spirited C, she recommended the "pneumonia" sequence. Something about Iyengar's sequences really not being for mere mortals let alone someone who is sick. After seeing the immunity sequence that was put together for RIMYI when Pune was hit by H1N1 this past summer, I'm inclined to agree. For those curious, the bronchitis sequence includes such therapeutic poses as supta vajrasana, kapotasana, and dwipada viparita dandasana.

I was bummed that I couldn't immediately put everything from the Kino workshop into practice. From the strength work that can easily be incorporated into a sequence, to alignment recommendations for my 2d series poses. Sure, I have notes, they are nowhere near as copious as I woudl prefer, but they do provide mental note - and there is always hopefully body/sensory memory. I've learned this is how I truly remember things. I did practice the pneumonia sequence on my own for a few days last week, slowly incorporating some backbends and more of the bronchitis sequence - and have somehow come out of this feeling a lot stronger.

Needless to say, and much to my discernment, have kept myself to primary all week and have tempered practice a bit, no need to go crazy right?

Although, yesterday for my last mysore style practice of 2009 (520/273), I did sneak in pasana and krounchasana and D easily assisted me to my calves in tiriang mukhottanasana (which was quite a pleasant surprise given how long it's been).

Not a bad way to end the year in the least.

Happy Holidays!

2009-12-25T14:48:00.004-05:00

Narragansett, RI
Sunrise, Christmas 2009

Wishing everyone a joyous holiday season - filled with light and love.
Shanti.

...and of course, champagne, bismark donuts, and laughter.

495/261: Smooth Sunday.

2009-11-15T16:13:00.002-05:00

One of those Sundays where I was very tempted to linger in bed, take another day of bed rest from the Friday and Saturday's asthma difficulties - treated with multiple tisanes, water, soup, rest and more episodes of Lost than should probably be watched in one sitting.

SilentSpeaker easily convinced me over GChat to practice - basically reminding me that I could stop at any point I wanted to - my original plan was to go simply do Primary. Breath came so rhythmically almost like a metronome, each pose floated into another. I ended up easily smoothly practicing through laghu vajrasana and as I move to backbends D comes over and adds kapotasna a and kapotasna b. Very surprised and excited by this - still trying to work on the illusive "stall" thing when transitioning between ustrasana, laghu and kapotasana.

Thinking maybe break dancing lessons next..
or maybe give capioera another shot...

After three long holds in urdhva dhanurasana, three quick standing to dropbacks and immediately into assisted, and down half way on the last drop, D grabs my wrists and firmly plants my hands right to the lower calves. Of course, my hands slipped down a bit, and heels came up a teeny tiny bit - but oh, that hold was glorious.

There's been a bit of a return to backbending work in the cybershala - and after this morning's fairly successful exploration of tiriang mukhottanasana (LOY 418-9) decided to see where things are in the backbending department.

Started with a little chair work from Iyengar class, really working to try to get the pelvis tucked, extension through the front body, spine deep into the backbody, and lots of rotation through the shoulders.

And then of course, a little play with urdhva dhanurasana and dropbacks.

492/259: Rules Pondered.

2009-11-11T13:15:00.000-05:00

We hated Bauhaus. It was a bad time in architecture... All they had were rules. Even for knives and forks they created rules. Picasso would never have accepted rules. The house is like a machine? No! The mechanical is ugly. The rule is the worst thing. You just want to break it.

Oscar Niemeyer.

* * *

Why do we push the boundaries? Over time, the chance of radical breakthroughs seems to increase as rules and their nuances are simply and slowly explored. The "rules" in place are pushed to the limits and ultimately broken - but concurrent to the exploration/deconstruction a new structure comes into formation. So, really, the original structure doesn't completely disappear - pieces remain.

Each successive pose feeds another - how they all link together - how opening/strength in one assists multiple other poses down the sequence. But can and usually does deepen expression in earlier poses.

There's truly a lot of depth to Primary.

To be honest, I'm not the biggest fan Intermediate yet.
There I said it.

Back on 10.28 D added parsva dhanurasana, ustrasana, and laghu vajrasna to my practice. I was ok having through dhanruasana. Prior to that, it didn't really "feel" like I "had" a second series - those first poses seemed more like an amuse-bouche.

Don't get me wrong I think parsva dhanurasana is quite enjoyable, while laghu vajrasna is pleasantly kicking my butt - or more specifically the rectus femoris, satoris, and would venture the tensor fasciae latae (thank you AP Bio anatomy textbook). From Primary, lolasana and bhuja pindasana are still slightly enigmatic to me. But, Intermediate seems to be doing amazing things for my backbending - Simply? Wow.

As I type this, I think - maybe it is the rules and their nuance that are close to the core of the beauty of this system.
As a result, there's hope for Intermediate.

After all, Niemeyer works in concrete with grids and structure - just with a different perspective on the rules.

Where'd October (!?) go?

2009-10-22T05:47:00.003-04:00

I could have sworn that it was just September.
So much to do and in what seems to be so little time.

I this past weekend I had a moment to pause. In that moment I realized that this is the first time in a few years that I really don't have more than a nebulous idea of the 5/10/15 year plans. It's a little unnerving - choice does not necessarily create freedom, nor does freedom create choice. Maybe it boils down to the simple idea that we do what we have to do to get where we're ultimately going.

I look at the Mathematician and the Artist both who work really hard - independently and together - leading what T.R. would call a strenuous life, others would call it dharma and sometimes I wonder if they are happy or if they are content. I decide that it's contentment with highlights of happiness.

Is it contentment that is the ultimate "goal?"

One thing that I'm certain of, I'm not content to ever settle. Settling seems almost like a concession. Not saying going off the deep end always striving to the point of obsession for something more or better, but to steadily keep moving forward, deeper into knowledge and life and all that going along with it - feeding off the world at large, both the pains and joys.

Sure it's work, but it's work that is all worthwhile.

* * *

My practice has been changing a lot recently, to fit the recent rigors of the work that pays my bills. I've spent multiple evenings in Iyengar classes, mornings or evenings practicing on my own and slowly getting back on the Ashtanga wagon at AYC. It comes and goes in fits and spurts. My writing, photography, sketching, baking and everything else has been back burnered and days have pretty much been simplified to work, sleep, yoga, and food. Not necessarily in that order, but close.

But isn't life always in dynamic equilibrium?
The pendulum will soon swing back to Ashtanga.

On the heels of 30...

2009-09-26T17:51:00.005-04:00

...so to speak.

Question 7: Coincidence?

2009-08-28T14:42:00.002-04:00

Pseudonyms aside for the moment, if the next tropical depression/hurricane to hit the area is named Kevin - I think I might have to seriously examine the whole Universe concept...

When the "hurricanes" that have hit DC, two weekends in a row, are 2 for 2 in terms of chronological ex-multiple-date namesakes - one can't help but to begin to wonder.

The Results Are In...

2009-08-25T07:30:00.013-04:00

Possibly not so surprisingly, I had more of a reaction to the tape that I used to apply the mat pieces to my skin than either my Manduka eKo, Manduka PurpleLite, or Jade Harmony mat.

Excellent news on the practice front. Not so excellent on the figuring out the cause of the eczema/hives. However, at this moment, things are the clearest they've been in a while.

So steady as she goes for a while as I try to hop back onto the Ashtanga wagon, not that I haven't enjoyed my three week foray into Iyengar and attempting to practice on my own. Which I did learn a whole lot - but it was so nice to be back to AYC this morning. Got a halfway decent primary in (skipping garba pindasana and kukkutasana) but really don't feel as though I'm starting back at square one - maybe more like a few steps back.

Like everything it seems, it is just going to take some patience.

2009-08-19T17:15:00.008-04:00

My mind was wandering today and started thinking about a comment I had left on a friend from AYC's blog - Nairam - what seems like ages ago.

Dug it up...

For me, the pain, anger, sadness, loss that go along with my grief will still bathe me in waves at times – although form it takes has changed over time. There is a beautiful catharsis that occurs and the process in and of itself is a beautiful and necessary one. Like practice, like moving through the primary series for the first time, it is about having patience and faith in those around you and even more in yourself. Also, realizing that you have the strength to have the courage to learn what is best for you.

~ July 30, 2008 at 2:06 pm

I'm not going to say that it is at all easy.
Maybe I needed to remind myself of that.

Om Namah Shivayah.

Wild and Crazy Thought.

2009-08-12T08:45:00.002-04:00

Recently haven't quite been making it to morning practice, let alone my mat with as much frequency as I would like. I stubbornly made my way to practice this past Sunday morning to be beaten into submission yet again - stopping myself at Mari-A.

Obviously - an Ashtanga practice is aggravating the hives/eczema that have covered my arms, legs and face. Too much heat generated. I was more than a little pissed off at my body, at all of what's going on. Between D and Spirited C I have a bunch of recommendations of cooling and restorative postures that I can do - which is good.

So no Ashtanga for me until this all clears up.
grumble. grumble.

After yet another visit to the allergist, my back was taped up with a 48 hour patch test - showed nothing. Both very positive, and negative - such is the dualist nature of some things.

Then yesterday morning, sitting in mediation (b/c I'm still waking at 4:45 am), I had this wild and crazy thought.
Could it be my mat?

I use it on a fairly regular almost daily basis. And I just got a new eKo to replace my original one that blistered! So at my allergist's recommendation (and after getting a good shower in, learned over these past couple days that I am not a bath person) I'll be taping a discreet corner of my mat to my body to do a homemade patch test.

If it is the mat...
Short of covering it with a yogitoes or Mysore blanket - does anyone have any recommendations?

Life.

2009-08-05T11:23:00.006-04:00

A bit of wisdom, courtesy of the Artist:
"Unlike codfish, life is never cut and dried."

(Continuing on what seems to be the theme of the week - now all that's needed is the Universe)

Mantra Monday: Everything is Patience.

2009-08-03T10:55:00.006-04:00

Over dinner with SilentSpeaker last night, I realized something.
It's one of those lessons that keeps on coming back to me - this time as I was showing off the Artist's work hanging in my apartment:

The answer to everything is patience.

Patience is developed over time.
Time is infinite (¥).

So given the mathematical proof, by simplification,

If:
Everything = Patience = Time = ¥
Life + Universe + Everything = 42
A + B + ¥ = 42; A & B become moot.
. : ¥ = 42

Still doesn't help with the question - but it's a start.

(This coming from the gal who wrote an essay for their college Vector Calc exam - I cannot vouch for the mathematical precision of the proof, yet I believe the logic is at least sound.)

Drip, Drip, Drench.

2009-07-23T14:33:00.004-04:00

Attorney: Wow. (sitting at big oak desk, looks up at me just in from the current DC monsoon from the papers he is working on) Did you get caught in the rain too?

Me: (in all earnestness) No. I just decided to hop in the showers down in the locker room with my work clothes on to freshen up a bit.

Attorney: Oh. (pause) Really?

Sometimes I wonder...

2009-07-07T07:28:00.005-04:00

Somehow, I'm not angry about the party next door that kicked into gear around 12:30 this morning and began taper off around 4:30.

Not in the least. Happy Moonday Tuesday!

Class# 410; AYC DC Mysore Class # 219: Rules.

2009-07-05T14:58:00.001-04:00

1st rule of Ashtanga: No Iyengar-esque adho mukha svanasana.

2nd rule of Ashtanga: No Iyengar-esque adho mukha svanasana.

3rd rule of Ashtanga: Go until the teacher taps you out *or* you hit the end of your given sequence *or* you start your back bends and your teacher decides to give you another pose.

4th rule of Ashtanga: Mulabanda.

5th rule of Ashtanga: Uddiyana banda.

6th rule of Ashtanga, No futzing with towels or clothing during vinyasas.

7th rule of Ashtanga: Chaturanga is a pose.

8th rule of Ashtanga: You must breathe.

Class# 402; AYC DC Mysore Class # 215: Squish.

2009-06-30T11:26:00.002-04:00

Most awesome adjustment ever in bhekasana this morning.

As I pulled myself into bhekasana and noticed D walking over I thought he was going to do his standard bhekasana adjustment - which I have yet to figure out how one does with only two arms. However, generally, things seem to kinda fall into proper place but I've really never quite found it comfortable. At. All.

But, no! This morning my frog was quite literally squished into place as I had a long and velvety exhale, D sat directly on my addcutor magnus muscles (what C calls the "thigh butt") and ever so gently lifted my shoulders. Heels straight down to the floor and deep backbend running the length of my spine.

Absolute pure heaven.

Now just to figure out how to get that exhale into the thigh butt on a regular basis.

Realized like everything, it is more a matter of breath than flexibility or strength at this point. Both of those come from the breath.

Moonday Monday Mysore-Styled Musing

2009-06-22T08:47:00.002-04:00

I had dinner the other night with SilentSpeaker - and over over the course of inexpensive DC sushi, topics roamed from academics to health to relationships and of course Ashtanga. We chatted about how somehow, no matter what our level we slip into some form of discipline in our lives that many who don't practice don't quite understand. From how and what we eat, time we go to bed and how sometimes consciously and sometimes unconsciously we generally carry out our daily existence.

But for what really?

How does knowing that one can get themselves into supta kurmasana by way of dwi pada or stand from urdhva dhaurasana - both skills that are not conventionally marketable in and of themselves to modern life - make us better people? Why do we come to obsess over things we can't quite figure out how to do and the celebration is short and yet very sweet when we figure these things out? Garnering a brief taste of pure happiness from a feat of contortion or acrobatics that we worked for - I would wager at the heart, this happiness ultimately lies in the work that went into "the achievement."

The practice is very zen - it's about nothing, except coming to know ourselves and how we react to our egos and ultimately how we react to difficulty and a sense of accomplishment. A Practice (be it Art, Law, Baking, Tango, Music, Writing, Asana, etc...), like religion, evolves over time, as society changes it should begin to change and grow to survive.

Practice at it's best is a living breathing thing.

Modern life really isn't compatible with living in a yurt and subsisting on the dew found on a lotus blossom and 8 berries.

We all attempt to find a sense of validation though community - people who understand what we do and affirm what we do. For many Ashtanga practitioners, it is that in some way we're all not crazy for getting up at 2:30/3 am to eat light breakfast of fruit before officially waking at 4:45 am to pull ones self together to practice at 5:15 am. We know that we all learn from each other - we are all teachers of what we learn from ourselves and our teachers.

What is Ashtanga in it's purest form? Part of me wants to say that really only Patthabhi Jois could have told us - but maybe that's too easy. What we learn from all of his students - our teachers - and our teachers teachers - is that everyone's practice is different. Each of his students teach differently because each of his students were taught differently - because he understood that everyone is different. Look at all of the "famous" students of Krishnamacharya, his teacher. B.K.S. Iyengar approaches the discipline from a different perspective but all to a similar end as I discovered when I found myself quite comfortably fully bound in yoga dhandasana (like the photo, except hands bound around the outside of the leg with foot in armpit) last Tuesday night. Fwiw, yoga dhandasana is part of 4th series of Ashtanga but was part of this level 2-3 Iyengar class.

Maybe the answers to all of this are with more with Krishnamacharya.
More likely, in my mind, the answers are collectively within all of us.

Class# 388; AYC DC Mysore Class # 203: Question 6.

2009-06-10T09:45:00.001-04:00

How'd I'd get there?!

Finished primary and realized all of a sudden that D was assisting my bind on the first side of pasasana. I had intended to stop at primary as my last practice was Saturday and had a really late night Monday night. Why did I do second through bhekasana? How did I get there? Oh well.

After bhekasana, played with urdhva dhanurasana and drop backs and D brought me straight into chakra bandasana - no quick trip to the floor and walk in - right to the lower calves, just above the ankles. Let me tell you, I was quite surprised to find myself there.

I am about ready to head back to bed.

* * *

I'm finding that I have the hip flexor flexibility with bheakasana - just really lacking the flexibility in the upper part of my sternum and the front of my shoulders to really lift the chest. Salabhasana a/b don't nearly feel that tight in that area. I'm pretty sure my difficulty with bhekasana is not stemming from the lack of length in my arms.

Any thoughts on opening in the upper part of the chest and into the front of the shoulders?

Mantra Monday: There's Always More Laundry.

2009-06-08T08:59:00.002-04:00

After taking care of paperwork, organizing personal files, cooking, practice, work, etc, there's always more laundry to do.

Simple.
Self-explanatory.

(I've been trying to get a chance to write this post for over three Mondays now.)

Another New Different Way To Torture One's Body: Capoeira

2009-06-05T09:34:00.002-04:00

After my first Capoeira Class last night and seeing one of the students break her ankle falling out of a handstand, I'm thinking that I might just stick with a gentle Ashtanga practice.

Then I pause, and think for a minute or two. Really the only soreness is in my feet and had a pretty good primary this morning.

Of course I'm going back for the basics class this coming Monday night.

Question 5.

2009-06-04T07:34:00.001-04:00

Don't they understand there are those of us who like their sleep? Find great pleasure in going to bed around 9 pm? Enjoy waking before the sun even speculates to rise and be productive?

Wait, the answer to those is probably not.
Silly young neighbors and their midweek late night loud parties.

Sometimes, a shoe just comes from out from nowhere...

2009-05-19T11:35:00.005-04:00

Absolutely. Awesome.

So NOT my style in home decor.

But. Absolutely. Awesome.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/europe/italy/5340447/Designer-unveils-shoes-you-can-take-a-bath-in.html

2009-05-18T21:16:00.002-04:00

This evening, the cooled tranquil spring air hung saturated with Holly blossoms and the twilight sky burned a velvet blue.

And for a single moment peace.

* * *

I never studied with Guruji. In my short time with this practice, I feel I have yet to begin to fathom the true depth of the legacy he has left us all to tend.

Pax.
Sri Krishna Pattabhi Jois, 1915-2009

Class# 373; AYC DC Mysore Class # 191: One Year Passed

2009-05-12T09:10:00.012-04:00

One full year has passed since that rainy morning I first walked into AYC for a Mysore style class at what I thought then was bright and early (6:00am).

Since May 12, 2008, I have practiced Mysore style 191 times (including today) primarily at AYC, with a couple visits to Back Bay Yoga, one at Yoga Sutra, and one at Ashtanga Yoga Charlottesville.

I have managed to stick with this for a year now. One year of commitment that really seems to be sticking and feeling so right. This coming from a gal who won't renew her PO Box for more than 6 months at a time. (Aristophanes was completely floored by my lack of commitment to a PO Box.)

Only after 9 or 10 months of Baptiste I got a serious case of wander-lust and fluttered around a bit - catching classes here and there between Down Dog, Flow and AYC. Baptiste, played with some Jivamukti which was/is fun, and attended a couple Ashtanga classes. Gentle A was covering D's Ashtanga level 1 classes at the time and after my first class he asked me if I was hooked, drenched in sweat and already beginning to feel a bit sore, I said most certainly.

After that, I went to London for an AcroYoga workshop and while there realized that Ashtanga really was where I wanted to be - I met many people with many different practices and the ones who really had strength and grace were the Ashtangis. At the time, little could I fathom how much more there is to this practice that has the potential to be both as frustrating as a Chinese finger puzzle and a sweet as the first spring day.

I must confess, I have been dabbling with Iyengar, once a week since the start of the new year; however, I've found that Ashtanga/Iyengar can really inform one another quite beautifully. The main difficulty I seem to have is remembering how far to distance my feet in trikonasana between the two traditions.

One of the many things I love about practicing Ashtanga this way is that I've learned to accept the vagaries of my body on a daily basis, work with it, and still appreciate the way strength and flexibility develop through practice. When there is even the smallest breakthrough it gives a sense of accomplishment. However. There are always refinements that can be made and there's always something more ahead or already in the practice to continue to hone, observe and study. There's a level of discipline and meditation inherent in the practice that I find hard to find within every day waking life.

I would go so far as to say 4:45am - 7:15am are my favorite hours of the day.

After 1 year of Mysore style practice, where am I?
Standard practice is Primary up to and including Bhekasana.
But more importantly, loving every minute of it.

* * *

And a gratuitous Drop Back clip from after this morning's practice, simply in celebration of 1 year and 1 fraction of this 1st year: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9yzyraVAh1o

USA v. UK Drop Back Challenge.

2009-05-10T13:05:00.005-04:00

Yes.

1. I didn't make practice this morning.
2. I'm not one to resist a challenge.
3. It's 100% cold.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eeYSxtk_aF4

FWIW, Evidence still remains from dinner last night with Aristophanes, CoffeeShop Girl and Vespa Boy.

Class# 353; AYC DC Mysore Class # 176: Take it to the Core.

2009-04-13T18:28:00.006-04:00

I have a secret.
I cheat myself out of my finishing postures.

Specifically, when it comes to sirasana.
My always lurking nemesis since I was given this pose.

My shoulders, neck and arms are fine - it's the bendy bit from my belly button to butt. Maybe I find balance and stability for 2 minutes, if I'm lucky. In reality, it's more like 1 minute. This morning after collapsing to my mat in my customary sirasana heap, D looks at me and tells me to go over to the wall. "Headstand there. Stay up."

Arms, shoulders and neck, strong and solid really not tiring. Legs from knees to feet solid. From the belly to the butt? The solidity of Jello. I literally had two halves of my body at work and D trying various verbal cues and adjustments to get me to engage all those muscles. I would think that I should have the requisite strength for this. It's almost as if I can't figure out how to use those muscles in that way - somewhere along the line I think I lost that section of the users manual.

Not knowing how long I've been up D walks away for a bit, returns and tells me to come down. Walking back to my spot D asks what was getting tired, I look at him and block out the area of my body from my belly to butt. Then I comment that this is quite possibly the same strength that I'm lacking when it comes to those pesky transitions. He seems to possibly slightly nod in agreement. Yes, I know I have short Polish arms, but I'm starting to realized that it's that lower core connection I'm missing when it comes to jump backs/throughs.

I'll be honest. I rely too much on bone stacking in sirasana and not enough on strength. Which creates a flimsy structure at best.

I know. I know. It's a simple fact that from relationships to buildings to jewelry fabrication to writing the key to a solid structure lies not only at the foundation but also within the core, the internal structures. A lot of that comes from a willingness to push limits and a willingness to be open.

So here's to bringing things to the core, to very heart of potential.

My goal: By July 30, minimum 7 minute headstand.

Everything in 3s

2009-04-07T09:45:00.004-04:00

5:25 am. Leave apartment for practice, get to car, notice back passenger side window smashed in. File police report.
No practice.
6:47 am. Go to file claim on-line. IBM Thinkpad suffers "fatal error." Go to restart computer. Computer will not start after "restarting."
8:03 am. Begin walk down Connecticut Ave to metro. At the corner of Albermarle and Connecticut, metro pass slips from iPod case and a gust of wind blows it and it's $97 down the storm drain. Literally and figuratively a sunk cost.

Yes, it's Tuesday.

Class# 351; AYC DC Mysore Class # 174: Doh.

2009-04-06T13:28:00.003-04:00

This morning, D pointed out to me that I *might* be trying too hard.

Class# 350; AYC DC Mysore Class # 171: Integration

2009-04-05T20:19:00.005-04:00

After a bit of a hiatus from writing due to life in general, (asana practice, work, social life) I'm back. I had so many plans for this weekend thwarted by the warmth of the sun and recovery from some evil stomach bug that knocked me on my butt for the better portion of last week.

When I have made it to practice, averaging 4 days per week, things keep on opening up - save for one part. My left shoulder - man it has felt stiff. But binds really haven't been that much of a problem, if anything they' generally felt pretty sweet. I emailed K on Friday asking him about this and if he had any suggestions or thoughts. It's not injured, just feels disproportionately stiff to my right.

So this morning K took some time with me and my shoulder during down dog, parvritta trikonasana, and urdhva dhanurasana. The "problem" with my body, is that I can be too bendy and really need to engage much more so that my upper back and shoulders collapse into themselves. In DD K gave some very precise Iyengar style tricks. Which means for me, really rotating my arms in a manner that feels somewhat like the rotation in urdhva dhanurasana. (Fwiw, my triceps are currently on fire.) For me that shoulder rotation really resulted in broadening my upper back and I was able to really engage my legs, and might have found a bit of that elusive mula bhanda.

In parvritta trikonasana, as he pressed against the extended arm to align my hand arm and shoulder (apparently I'm hyper-extending my shoulder), he used the word integration. A concept I've been thinking about a lot recently.

Anyone who knows me knows that I talk a lot about trying to find balance and oft comment that I'm just trying to find balance. Flippantly stating or offering that it's just trying to find balance. But I'm starting to wonder if it's more of a process of integration. When I "integrated" the muscles of my arm, shoulder and back, the energy of the pose completely shifted. It was much more work, but the way it felt made the work all worthwhile.

I brought the concept of this to the rest of my practice and there was little stiffness apparent in my shoulder. Save for pasasana on my left where I couldn't get the proper rotation of my shoulder to reach the bind.

But back to integration. I'm almost tempted to say where balance can ultimately be stagnant, integration provides and promotes strength, growth, and forward movement. It's really like a relationship, friend or lover - there are many who come and go overtime, but there are a select few who become so deeply integrated and entwined with your existence that they grow and (promote) change with you. These are true friends - when they are not present there is a void, when they are around life becomes that much more full.

* * *

My blogging here might become a bit more sporadic as I have started a little project for myself - journaling about each practice, each class I attend. Something I've intended to do for awhile now and finally getting around to it.

I'm sure some thoughts will migrate from here to there and quite possibly from there to here. I've come to see this a bit more like a composite of my life - from yoga to art to food to life in general and the things that make it blissful. For me, this really isn't the place for the nitty gritty detailed analysis of each and every asana practice.

Class# 343; AYC DC Mysore Class # 167: Beginnings of Deeper Openings.

2009-03-25T16:42:00.006-04:00

Drop backs this morning felt wonderful, spacious, light and the most free since that workshop with SD out in Charlottesville. There was so much space in my upper and lower back.

D came over for dips.

After the third dip, down and into a complete and total freak out / panic attack as D attempted to assist me into chakra bhandasana. After a little over 5 minutes in paschimottasnasana, I recovered enough to complete my finishing postures.

It's really true what others have said about heart-opening and how change manifests in this practice.

Class# 336; Iyengar I/II #7

2009-03-13T10:30:00.006-04:00

Thursday night.

One class.
75 Minutes.

Six poses.

Pure. Heaven.

Question 4.

2009-03-11T16:23:00.003-04:00

If I'm going to be stuck on hold with D.C. Superior Court for over 25 minutes now, why can't they play at least a palatable or vaguely tolerable version of Eine Kleine Nachtmusik - II Romance (Andante)?

Mantra Monday: Really, it's all just stuff. Nothing more. Nothing less.

2009-03-09T13:08:00.002-04:00

When Aristophanes proclaimed himself a "Tawny-Headed-DemiGod" after completing his final push to sort and clear out the remnants of clutter from his place, I started thinking. There was a subtle change in our conversations and a lightness that surfaced which was not previously apparent.

Then I started noticing.
All the stuff that has accumulated over the last 5 + years here in DC.
I was just going to start with a box. One box.

It was that box (that probably everyone has or had at one point), filled with extraneous / superfluous cables and wires that go to nameless electronics delicately bundled like a rat's nest. My rationalization, if I needed a cable I could always go to RadioShack.

To get to the box, I had to pull* everything out of my hallway closet.

That was the closet full of crap that broke the camel's back, armed with a healthy dose of pop music and kitted out in shorts, tank-top and bandanna in my hair - I was a woman on a mission. A whirling tornado of a dervish. One and a half days, 8 garbage bags, 2 packing boxes of trash, 3 loads of laundry, and 13 cups of tea later:

I can see the floor in all of my closets.
My apartment feels fresher.
I feel much less encumbered.
I feel drained. I feel rapturous.

I'm not going to deny it, going though some stuff was hard. It never ceases to amaze me at how much emotional stock a piece of paper or a dried flower from 10 years ago or an empty chocolate tin can carry. All this stuff that we and others put weight on, place emotion and value on, really do become a burden.

Really, it's all just stuff. Nothing more. Nothing less.

On the phone with Aristophanes last night, he asked me: How does a designer know their piece is completed?
Me: Um...after...How?
Aristophanes: A designer knows he has achieved perfection not when there is nothing left to add, but when there is nothing left to take away. It was Saint-Exupery who said that.
Me: (pause) Yes. I can see that now...

There's still a lot left to be done, but this all happens slowly and in it's own time -
opening the way for more experiences.

This, my friends, is only the beginning.

*pull is loosely defined as topple here.

Class# 333; AYC DC Mysore Class # 158: You might be a little tired...

2009-03-06T09:14:00.003-05:00

...when placed into what feels to be the best supta kurmasana you've ever been in, and you find yourself dozing off.

Class# 332; Iyengar I/II #6

2009-03-06T08:56:00.005-05:00

So. You know how standing and dropping back was a big issue?

One would generally think Iyengar yoga is supposed to be "sweet" and "gentle," largely therapeutic? Last night in my Iyengar class, Spirited C introduced me to what I currently call the Iyengar torture vinyasa of setu bandha sarvangasana to salamba sarvangasana.

I can achieve salamaba sarvangasana to setu bandha sarvangasana with only a slight lack of grace. Again, going up seems to be a problem.

Back to the mat, or drawing board, as it were...

Mantra Monday: Just go with the flow.

2009-03-02T13:19:00.004-05:00

Life has been a bit on the busy side - painting with broad strokes, juggling work, practice, a creative artistic outlet, and a burgeoning social life. To be honest, I'm not surprised that things continue to go well. I would venture that even with today's snowfall, things are flourishing.

Amazing what happens with a little radical self-acceptance and when you hit a point of flow.

Hi. My name is Portside.
I had an inversion aversion. I had a fear of breaking the rules. I would over analyze things. I might have even forgotten how to play.

Nevermore.

Mantra Monday: The secret is to begin. (Revisited)

2009-02-16T20:15:00.005-05:00

Four to six days a week, you'll find me up and and on my way to practice bright and early in the morning. Systematically over the past nine months, my asana practice has evolved. As I see it, one of the many beauties of the ashtanga system and practicing Mysore style is that as your body grows in strength and flexibility there is more to discover within what you've learned. If you had said to me that in nine months, I would have received pasasana, the first pose of second series this morning, I don't know if I would have believed it possible. Granted, my pasasna did not look anything whatsoever like the link provided, but it was a start.

Over the past couple weeks I've been thinking, there has to be a way to apply this systematic growth of an Ashtanga practice to Art. I have had so many ideas jumbled around in my head, back logged and beginning to slam against the breakwater. I just didn't know where to start. Just welling up inside, like right before I began standing from urdhva dhanurasana.

But how to begin?!
Do I go back to my painting? What about my bass wood? Do I pull out my hammers and torches and begin pounding on metal?

Then I realized, I just needed to look around my apartment, pick something and begin. Like the first sun salutation, I just need to start. Like self-practicing, I just needed to stay with it and work through it. No dawdling making tea, writing emails, baking cookies, or cleaning. Just let it come on its own.

I set up a drafting lamp on my dinner table and pulled out my $2.99 Benny's chess set. A pencil and just kept on sketching pawns. One, two, three - moving the light. I kept myself from using an eraser to allow myself to make "mistakes" and work with them. Soon they smoothed themselves out. I've always had a thing for the Knight. So at some point, I added him to my sketches.

I lost track of all time.

Over 4 hours of sitting. Sitting with my chess set.
A sketch book. An HB pencil. A pencil sharpener.
An eraser. A drafting brush.

Sitting. Drawing. Loving every minute.

Day 17 & 9 To Go.

2009-02-11T08:08:00.006-05:00

For the half-life of that med.
Then in another 26 days, half of that amount will be gone from my system and so on and so forth. By April it should be completely out of my system. Nothing I can do to speed it up.

Things at my doctor's went well - again the best pulmonary function test I've ever had! Of course, he was disappointed that I've been pulled from the treatment because, save for breaking out in hives, I was responding well to it until recently. Details. So I'm just on my standard maintenance medications. There's really not much that can be done save for waiting and watching to see how things progress.

As the Artist and the Mathematician pointed out to me, I'm taking the best care I have of myself, from diet to regular asana practice and to sleep - maybe any "problems" will ultimately be negligible.

So, I'll be logging pretty much my entire life, from practice to what/when I eat/drink, when take my meds and my peakflow and when I sleep. Somehow, I'm sure there's an art project lurking in this self study...

Still every thing remains to be about patience and persistence - funny how all this seem to work.

(Of course that does nothing to mitigate general aggravation and frustration, but at least it makes it a little more palatable.)